Trust in God (Amy)

So that your children, whom you loved, O Lord, might learn that it is not the production of crops that feeds humankind but that your word sustains those who trust in you. Wisdom 16:26

“your word”…God’s word. God’s promise to sustain his people who trust in him. What does that trust look like in our lives? In my life, it has transpired into a removal of the fears I used to harbor. I gave fear a great big slip in my life’s marina. As I began to study the bible, discussed and processed God’s words with other people, made changes to what I prioritized in my life; the slip became smaller. I’m not saying a tiny boat wouldn’t still be able to utilize it, but the yacht-sized space was no longer available.

I was afraid of losing loved ones every time they walked out the door, drove away, said goodbye. Swearing it was the last time I’d see them and planning how I’d live without them. I used to be afraid that if people didn’t like me, I wasn’t good enough. I used to be afraid I wouldn’t be successful enough in my life to live comfortably. There was certain truth in all of that based in my own life experiences. I lost close loved ones to horrible disease, suicide, cancer, car accidents, stroke, and old age. People openly told me they did not appreciate the person I was. Their words and actions made it apparent that I was not their “cup of tea”. People openly showed me that I was not valued by them and I let myself believe I had to do better for them. I was told I was never going to be good enough to “make it” in the career I felt destined for.

I have spent a good portion of my life trying to fix all of those things about myself that people told me weren’t good enough. I’ve incorporated many of these things in my own negative self-talk on a daily basis. How do you go from being “mired in misery” to a place where you are secure in God’s promises to you? How do you go from the “mire and clay” to the “high cliff” with sure footing (Psalm 40, BCP)? I’ll give you a hint. You absolutely cannot do it alone.

I sat in church alone this morning and closed my eyes. I needed Christ to hold my hand. As I sat there, the radiator (which never is on during the week) clicked on and warmth reached me in my pew. I slid my hands between the spaces in the radiator and felt God holding my hands with warmth and love. He reiterated promises to me that I needed to hear. He pulled me out and set me back on solid ground. Then I came in to look for this blog article. I couldn’t find it. I ended up finding a copy of an interpretation of Psalm 40 instead. It can be found below:

I have trusted you, Holy One and waited for you.

When I was mired in misery you touched me with your spirit.

You pulled me out and set me on solid ground.

You put a song in my heart and work in my hands.

I praise you.

I know what you want for me, and where the meaning of my life lies -

Not in rituals, offerings, sacrifices, or creeds, just my heart; open to others, and open to you.

I try and live that way.

I fail often but you nudge and beckon and I follow.

I pray that my words, my song, my life show forth your light and light others' way.

Make all who seek you find you.

Touch us with your spirit, that we be made glad.

My trust in God comes through constant action. Me constantly reaching toward him and He responding when my ears, eyes and heart are open to receive Him. “I fail often but you nudge and beckon and I follow.”

Psalm 40 BCP

13 For innumerable troubles have crowded upon me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more in number than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails me.

14 Be pleased, O Lord, to deliver me; O Lord, make haste to help me.

God does not leave us floundering for long if we are open to his word. His word comes from other people who we are in community with, it comes from an odd click on the computer, it comes from introspection brought on by a family quarrel. We are not struck by lightning or spoken to through bushes. We are engaged in life, all the time. And in those moments, in those breaths we take to stop and observe our surroundings, paying attention to our mistakes, being mindful of the way we are treating others and making them mindful of how they are treating us, all of these life moments are what show us God made flesh. God among us. The God who loves us unconditionally and promises to sustain us.