The Gift Amy

There is a chipmunk who frequents my patio and deck. He undoubtedly enjoys the bounty of seeds that fall from the various feeders in my neighbor’s yards. He has taken to burying his treasures in my deck pots. Whether he knows that planting these seeds will bring him more treasure, or if he is saving up for winter, or both, I don’t know. What I do know is the vast amount of pure joy and healing this flower has brought me this week. One of my best friends painted this pot for me as a gift for my first house in 2001. It has graced all of my porches and patios since. After 22 years, it has started to crumble at the base and is wearing its well-lived life. It has held herbs, flowers and vegetables over the years, and now, it holds perhaps the most precious of treasures…this beautiful, reaching, dainty sunflower.

I took my daughter to college for her freshman year on Thursday. My first born, my first treasure on this earth. She is ready, she is excited, she has already made friends and is thriving. And it’s only been three days. What no one prepared me for was the deep, gut wrenching pain that I was to endure leaving her there. Sure, she’s been away from home, at camp, family visits, vacations with others. But nothing could have prepared me for the mother ache of this. She packed light, didn’t take everything she owned (which to me is a sign she wants to come home!) so her room at home still looks like it did before she left. I’ve left the door open, a constant reminder that she’s not here, but somewhere else, living her life. Which is a comfort and a knife blade at the same time.

The loss I feel is equally balanced by the joy I feel knowing she’s ready, and where she needs and wants to be. It’s a dog fight between my brain and my heart. So this sunflower. This beautiful, tallish stalk, emerging from this weathered, cracking pot, is a gift. Rooted in the weathered pot but reaching for the sun, and thriving. Each day getting bigger and taller and more open to what the world is offering.

I am grateful for the pot, the soil allowing her to have strong roots to sustain her growth. I am grateful for the chipmunk who “Godplanted” this beautiful treasure to allow my brain to place the pain I feel into my writing, my art, so it dissipates and doesn’t weather the pot so much it can’t hold down the roots. And Lord am I grateful for this sunflower. This beautiful gift of life and love and light.