The Color of You (Lisa and Claire)

My husband and I were out for our morning walk when we stopped for a chat with our neighbor. Did you guys see that rainbow yesterday?! I had not but the question posed immediately reminded me of the dream I woke up from that morning. Before she said anything more, I shared how I dreamt of a rainbow that was incredibly vivid and large, more so than I had ever seen and how an awestruck crowd had gathered under it. Next to the dreamy rainbow was a contrasting brilliant white cloud that took up the other half of the sky.

Staring at me somewhat amazed, she proceeded to describe the very similar experience she had just witnessed in real time. I giggled, turning to my husband and said, Wait a minute…my brain! Did I see this? but he assured me that I had not. We offered our good day wishes and continuing on our morning walk, my thoughts were full of my daughter Claire. My silent conversation began, Claire, did you come to visit me yesterday in a rainbow and I missed it? Did you bring its beauty to me in a dream to make up for that?

I have been painting a lot lately, attempts at Van Gogh compositions. I have been getting lost in the colors, the pigments, the laying on slathers of medium with brush and palette knife. It is joy-filling to be so focused on one thing, lost in color.

As I looked up while thinking on all this, while thinking on all the rainbow pigments I have been playing with, my eyes fell on the vivid green leaves and the brilliant blue sky and once again, it felt like I was in the presence of you, Claire. You are telling me, I am the pigment, the color, the splash of brilliance. I am in each stroke on your canvas and across the sky and earth. I am here and I am in it all. Do not miss me. Feel me near instead.

Of course, I directed my mind and heart here, or did I? Did you lead me here? As I type this, the shadow of leaves dancing in the wind plays across the floor before me and there you are again.

I choose to believe. I choose to feel your presence and all I can say is, it makes me more aware of the holiness of everything surrounding me. I see you, Claire in God and God in Claire. It makes me filled with gratitude, with hope and possibility instead of despair and cynicism. You are leading me to love me in a way I have never done before. God is so good in You Claire and You are helping me see that God is good in me too.