Open Palm Closed Fist (Lisa)

There is no such thing as redemptive violence. Violence doesn’t save; it only destroys – in both short and long term. Jesus replaced the myth of redemptive violence with the truth of redemptive suffering. Richard Rohr

We can all relate to the suffering that comes when someone you care for hurts or humiliates, even if done so unintentionally and I am just as guilty as anyone of being that person at times! I am just trying to learn Jesus’ power of redemption when I am on the receiving end of that hurt, the redemptive suffering in not getting that last word in, in not sharing what happened with others who would be influenced by my pain. It is a small quiet suffering that cuts deep but feels powerful because this time I am reacting with love. Love for the one who hurt me, love when the last word will make no difference. When I’ve done all that I can, to care for myself, to protect myself from further pain, when all this is done, I am trying to react, to move forward, with love.

I may never understand, the why and how could they? so I pray to give it to the ONLY ONE who understands it all. Jesus. So when I'm hurt, I am trying to gauge my responding words and actions…are they out of love? vindication? To get others on my side? Because if what I do or say is not out of love - isn’t all the rest just another form of violence in its own way, a subtle violence that causes rifts in a group of workmates, friends or family. Isn’t God calling us to something more? Did he really die on the cross so that I could respond in such a small way when my suffering is so much less than His?

When I say to myself, “I just don’t understand why!” it’s like I’m saying, “I’M JUST SO HUMAN!” Only God can climb into every cell of our being and understand and still love us when we mess up so mightily in another’s eyes. Only He can hold all our past and present experiences, background, chemistry, personality strengths and flaws, all that we bring to the table of NOW. He knows why a person rages on the outside and only He can soothingly rock them on the inside. We might not understand but He does. He only asks us to try our best to give a love response; to yourself, yes, but to the one who hurt you too. I am trying to learn HIS new way of loving. It’s not easy and I fail miserably but I am trying. I am trying.

The sign language symbol for HELP is one open palm cupping a fisted one. Maybe my prayer should be…

Dear Lord,

Help me with my hands.

The closed, clenched fist

And the open palm that gently holds it.

May they teach my heart to follow.

Amen