Measuring Up (Lisa)

I saw myself today and it was not in a good light. I have a wonderfully tolerant husband of 40 years who has, on very rare occasions, shared with me in his subtle way, that I can be a little bossy, not nice. At the time of his sharing, I truly had trouble seeing this. Sure, maybe I was short in a stressed moment but that must be a rare occurrence not a daily thing. I caught myself today doing just that, barking an order, not in a loud voice but still a BARK. I was ashamed and then appalled when minutes later, easy as pie, I did it again. Oh, the shame of it all, to be doing this awful thing to a man I love so very, very much.

Somehow this brought me to the word, measured. I prayed to Jesus to help me embrace the gift of being measured in my thoughts and words and actions. All day I have been contemplating on this one word.

We measure for length, breadth, height and weight. I wanted to explore and pray on all 4 dimensions of my person and all the energy I put out into the world, starting with my husband. I have a great deal of work to do. Today I caught myself many times failing. This must be more engrained than I ever imagined. Oh, the shame!

It is Good Friday. A good day to carry the weight of shame and to know Jesus died for our sins both great and small. I know my husband appreciates my efforts and so does my Lord.

O My Lord,

How long do I hold on to grudges? How short is my patience? Help me ponder the lengths you went to in this life to save me from my sins.

O Lord, what breadth of sins do I carry unawares? What wrong am I denying so completely in myself? Free me from the blindness that comforts me into a distorted reality. Bless me with the breadth of knowledge and wisdom in Your life, Your works, Your Holy Words.

O Lord, to what heights will I go, to love You when it is hard? When loving You means touching, reaching out and shaking hands with a person who totally disagrees with me or spending time with a person who drives me crazy at times. To what heights will I go to for YOU, Lord? Show me the way to the ladder Lord. Help me climb up to Your heights.

O Lord, help me carry the weight of my shame, my pride, my stubbornness and prejudices. Help me be brave enough to see that I am never finished growing and learning. Help me measure my words and actions today and rise tomorrow to do the same.

Amen